Sh*t My Dad Says - Justin Halpern

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After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the things his dad said to him:

"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them."

"Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking."

"The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is a liar. Nazi one, liar two."